SCOTTY: The Young…


When moving to Queenstown for only 10 days and staying in a place where you can practically see the outside through cracks in the wall, you can’t expect too much in the way of heat.

So when my pipes froze two days ago I wasn’t surprised, but after going two days without a shower and spending the day with dogs while in ski gear, I am really feeling it.

Let’s hope the water is all go when I get home.

Today was the Dog Darby up Coronet Peak, a day of guaranteed carnage.

I spent the first half a day watching erratic dogs charge around the mountainside creating havoc. They were shitting everywhere, taking out skiers and pissing on the organisers legs. It was a sight to behold.

As the Dog Darby went into full swing more than 80 owners and their dogs slid down the hill trying to be the first to reach the bottom and then send their dog around a flag by dog whistle.

If you have ever seen 80 dogs in one place with 80 owners whistling commands you will know exactly what the scene looked like.

Dogs were sniffing each other, jumping around, and sprinting anywhere and everywhere that their commanders said not to go.

One dog and his owner even sent two skiers flying when they smashed into two girls while entering the final stages of the race. Another couple took out three other dogs, a sign and a snowboarder. The same dog then tried to relieve himself on my bag. Dirty we bugger.

Next was the Dog Barking Competition where owners had to make their dogs bark, and if they didn’t then the owners themself had too.

Now this is actually as exciting as it sounds.

It’s not.

Drunk owners getting their dogs to bark really doesn’t do it for me. If I wanted to see a dog bark I would watch Lassie.

One thing that did excite me though was the Murder Mystery Night.

Just as everyone was getting into full swing there was an evacuation as the fire alarm went because of the smoke sparklers put off.

Adding that to the humorous antics and actions of Emma Lange and Steve Wilde; it was something that was surprisingly interesting after last year’s dismal attempt. I don’t even know if anyone solved the murder.

The theme was space age, so there were costumes ranging from human Apple computers, to space skunks, to people with their brains in their feet.

But most notable was the space service crew, whom one member had the shortest shorts in the world and just kept riding higher. At one stage I actually thought they were going to be sucked into an invisible black hole; they were that high up her leg.

Needless to say many a bloke was caught checking her out, but I am sure she loved every moment of it, even if her boyfriend wasn’t.

The crazy costumes created some great dancing as people with lanterns and box’s on their head tried not to knock people down from a lack in sight.

I hope Jazz Night is just as entertaining, and maybe that girl with the short shorts could attend again?

Scot, Visitor from Gore.