SCOTTY: The Young…


If there was any better time to strip down to your bare minimum and sprint along a stony beach in front of hundreds of random people, then the Undie500 was it.

There were boobs, balls and blood flying everywhere as competitors attempted to duck and dive obstacles along Queenstown Bay.

16 men and six women took part in this year’s 500.

Highlight’s had to be the chick who dressed for the occasion, wearing a strapless bra and spending the entire race holding onto her boobs as she tried to keep those babies from knocking her competitors down.

There was also the fellow who really didn’t think through his underwear, flopping out his piece within the first few metres of the race and holding on to it for dear life for the remainder.

Funnily enough I recall he came first in that heat as his competitor took a dive trying to clear the last hay bale and creating a sweet tummy rash.

That’s the blood part, but I am sure his nipples will grow back eventually.

Another notable character was the guy who stuffed a blow up doll down his tight white undies, put skid marks down his ass, which I assume were intentional (if not then that is absolute gold), and finally ran the race while looking like he was taking that doll from behind.

He ended up winning best dressed, but his doll was a little worse for wear by the end after all that pummelling.

It’s funny how we celebrate the retarded and give them prizes for looking and acting so stupid. Kiwis really are a special breed.

Following the 500, the Southern Hang-gliding and Paragliding Club put on their annual Fancy Dress Parapeting show.

The coolest having been when Batman flung himself from his vehicle in the sky throwing in a couple of summersaults before pulling his shute and gliding to the beach. Robin then casually landed their vehicle and they continued along the beach to the rescue of no one in particular.

Te Radar then stepped up to top-off the day with his ‘eating the dog show’.

I would describe it as a lecture on the part of New Zealand history that wasn’t taught in school.

In a nut shell he basically told us how stupid we are as New Zealanders in the most lively and excited way possible. If I was to guess then I would pick P as the drug of choice. He literally spoke for 1.5hours in a very exuberant and fast paced way. The speed I would relate to a horse race commentator on crack.

Te Radar then threw in the odd un-PC jokes about dog eating and how tasty horses were, while proceeding to celebrate New Zealand’s not so famous heroes who in all other cases are not really worth mentioning.

To anyone contemplating seeing Radar i full heartedly suggest it, but as I am getting to that stage where my brain works as a rock absorbing water does, I have nothing more to say.

Until tomorrow

Scot, Visitor from Gore.