I’ll have the Acker-Dacker 2008, thanks


Getting your own wine label is easy. You don’t need to be rich; you just need some start-up capital.
You don’t need to own the land or the winery. Just order the stock, get a label designed and you’re away. The difficult part is selling the stuff. That’s where being a celebrity can help. 

This week it was announced that AC/DC are launching their own wine brand in partnership with the Woolworths Liquor Group. A spokesperson from the company said that selling the stuff was a ‘no brainer’. I hope that’s not a reflection on potential customers. Wines include Back in Black Shiraz, Highway to Hell Cabernet Sauvignon, Hells Bells Sauvignon Blanc and You Shook Me All Night Long Moscato. 

They will now be able to serve their own wine at all of their launches, concerts, book signings and parties and insist that their celebrity restaurateur friends stock only their wine. You will buy it apparently because you love them and want to be involved with anything they touch. 

Remember Cliff Richard? The celibate, tennis-loving, sugary pop star of yesteryear? He has his own label from Portugal called Vida Nova which, I am amazed, is still in business after an appearance on Gordon Ramsay’s F Word a few years ago. Gordon managed to trick him into describing his own wine as undrinkable after tasting it blind next to a much better example. A cruel trick but funny to watch (you can see it on Youtube). 

Bob Dylan has Planet Waves, a $100 a bottle Tuscan wine. Why he named it after the album ‘Planet Waves’ I don’t know, but he may have sold more if he’d called it ‘Knocked Out Loaded’ or ‘Time Out of Mind’. 

Another rock and roll wine comes from a partnership with Champagne Mumm and Santana. Yes, that’s right, Santana sparkling wine. Santana apparently thinks it’s ‘fresh and supremely elegant’ but I can’t imagine him saying that somehow. 

Finally, 1980’s Grease songstress Olivia Newton John owns Koala BlueWines. Made by GS Wines, a custom winemaking facility in South Australia, she claims the wines are ‘suited to Australian palates’. I won’t bother with that one then. 

Most of these people are now in their twilight years. Obviously as time rolls by and the money starts to burn a hole in their pocket they start to appreciate the finer things in life, like wine. Having said that, the Beckhams, though not exactly rock and roll, have their own wine estate. Another celebrity appendage added to the list along with oddly-named kids, tattoos and a ghost written novel. 

So what for the future? Lady Gaga Gewurztraminer, Justin Beiber Barabera or Lindsay Lohan Bag-in-a-Box Merlot anyone?