Five ways of blowing off hitchhikers
- Simply don’t pull over and ignore them. But if you want to get a chuckle …
- Pull over – keep your car in gear and doors locked. Look deep into the hitchhiker’s eyes – like you’re going in for a pash but deeper – then smile and get their hopes higher than their minds. And when they’re just about to approach, drive off into the sunset feeling either really stink or really stoked.
- Indicators – use them. Repeat above with eyes and smile. Indicate to pull over ASAP, the hitchhiker will notice you. Flash your lights even. Arouse them. Slow down to pull over with your indicator still flashing – but don’t stop, speed up and drive off happily ever after … without the hitchhiker.
- And if you don’t have the heart for any of the above then look, smile, indicate, pull over … and actually let the thing enter your car. But this is five ways to blow off a hitchhiker so, as you’re driving, give them a mask to wear – telling them it’s “because I have swine flu”. If they’re that desperate for a ride and choose the mask rather than the door, follow with: “Oopsie, that one’s my mask.”
- Let it rip or squeeze one out. If not – drive like a maniac, swerving on the road with the excuse of making the most of your empty gas tank in this economic crisis. The hitchhiker may decide they’ve reached their destination in the middle of nowhere or could potentially enjoy the ride. In that case, stop swerving and simply ask them to “get out … now”.
Joke of the week
Q: A car has five snowboarders in the backseat, what do you call the driver?
Drug tests rare
Two NZSki staff have been drug-tested after vehicle-related “incidents” this season.
NZSki boss James Coddington (left) confirms drug-testing is standard practice when staff driving a work vehicle – groomer, skidoos, buses or trucks – have an accident.
Coddington won’t say what the two “incidents” were but one occurred at Mt Hutt and the other at a Queenstown field – “I can’t recall whether it was at Coronet Peak or The Remarkables”.
“We drug-test if there’s been an incident to make sure no one was under the influence of drugs or alcohol, and both of those [tests] were clear.”
The company doesn’t do pre-employment or regular, random testing: “No, I don’t think we’d have too many staff left, just a guess,” he jokes.
“Very, very rarely do we have incidents that pertain to a vehicle accident, so maybe [drug tests occur] a couple of times a season.”
Beef Burger $8 The Remarkables
It helps that after four hours on the slopes even your nana’s grey “meatloaf” would taste good – so I wasn’t expecting a gourmet delight here.
You’re not getting Georgie Pie prices up the mountain so the $8 price tag didn’t throw me too much. Looking inside the bun, everything seemed fairly standard except for an onion ring that looked more like a crumbed prawn.
Importantly, the beef pattie appeared to be generous.
Probably a bit too generous as it turns out. The pattie was moist and tasty, but that and the bun ended up being the only things I could taste. More sauce or tomato and some cheese would have been nice. Perhaps the $8.50 cheeseburger is the better option?
– Walter Rumsby