Wakatipu New Year resolutions

  • I must get out more, National Sevens fraudster Richie Anderson, serving home detention in Lake Hayes Estate
  • I must trim more fat, Queenstown’s cost-cutting mayor Vanessa Van Uden
  • I must help Vanessa trim more fat, Queenstown Lakes District Council boss Adam Feeley
  • I must spend ratepayers’ money like it is my own, Mayor Van Uden, again
  • Now we own all of SkyCity Casino Queenstown and I don’t have that obstinate Skyline big cheese Barry Thomas blocking me, I must up the maximum bet thresholds at that site, SkyCity Entertainment Group chief executive Nigel Morrison (right) 

  • Now that we own all of SkyCity Casino Queenstown, I must book more “business trips” to the resort,
    Morrison, again
  • I must stop being so fastidious about my lawns, Anderson, again
  • I must do something different with my hair – frosted tips are sooo 2012, Ex-All Black star and Wakatipu resident Justin Marshall 
  • Ditto, Queenstown bar boss Mike Burgess
  • I must wear a proper size lifejacket, choose the right kayak, check weather conditions, ask for advice from experienced locals and not do anything completely stupid that endangers my life on Lake Wakatipu, Unwitting tourist
  • I must try to stopping shitting myself every time I try to land Boeings at Queenstown Airport, Air NZ pilot
  • I must not watch, New Zealand cricket fan
  • I must try to keep a lower profile, Infamous Queenstown bouncer Jonathan Dixon (right) 

  • I must find ways to make myself more useful, Queenstown Lakes District Council employee
  • I must get back to Queenstown one day, it’s awesome, Orlando Bloom
  • I must start scanning the Situations Vacant ads, Queenstown Lakes District Council employee
  • I must show more respect to mothers suckling the next generation, Queenstown District Court judge Kevin Phillips
  • I must pull strings and give Queenstown a decent dollop of dough for a conference centre, Prime Minister John Key 

  • I must not complain when incredible numbers of people flood into town and overload the roads, footpaths and establishments, Half of Queenstown
  • I must try to keep calm when out-of-towners with bad mullets, short shorts and singlets wander around in large groups like they own the place, Half of Queenstown
  • I must do something about the fire alarm going off in the Sofitel complex, Jervois Steak House restaurant owner Simon Gault
  • I must make more public statements on topics of major media interest, preferably on a weekly basis,  Council boss Feeley, again 
  • I must learn basic Kiwi road rules before I get into a car and end up at roundabouts wondering what the hell to do next, Visitor to Queenstown
  • I must go to bed earlier, live a more routine existence and stop regularly drinking to excess, Half of Queenstown
  • I must be more controversial, Mountain Scene editor Ryan Keen 
  • I must be less controversial, Keen, again
  • I must try to get more hunks in trunks in the paper’s new Queenstown Baywatch section, Keen, yet again
  • I must congratulate Mountain Scene on Queenstown Baywatch, 
    Mr Inappropriate and Scene columnist Mark Wilson (right)

  • I must write in and complain about the inappropriate nature of Queenstown Baywatch, Conservative of Kelvin Heights
  • I must not let Burgess end up with more bars than I do and lay claim to my mantle as the big swinging dick of local hospitality, Al Spary
  • I must go down and have a flutter on the blackjack table at SkyCity Casino when they open the new VIP section, Queenstown businessman Barry Thomas
  • I should never have left Queenstown,  Saif Gaddafi

* Some of these may be fictional …okay, actually all of them are