Our Wakatipu horror-scopes to guide your way this week

SHARE

Capricorn 

Expect to be heavily mourning the departure of a new-found soulmate as she rumbles off out of your life forever on a big green bus. Ah well, you’ll always have that night at World Bar. And on the bright side, there’ll be plenty more busloads of Kiwi Experience backpackers where that Scandinavian bombshell came from. 

Aquarius 

Never been a better time to buy. Never been a better time to list (submitted by a real estate agent). 

Pisces 

Plan for a sticky, slushy week underfoot but have faith – things will get better. Sometime soon, maybe … oh for heaven’s sake just snow goddammit. Failing that, the cocktails and beanbags at the Ice Bar up top of Coronet Peak have your name written all over them. 

Aries 

Things are looking very hazy for you this week, particularly on Friday and Saturday evenings. Mind you, the snow’s crap and night skiing’s been cancelled so you won’t be alone on that front … well, there’s nothing much else to do. 

Taurus 

You’ll find yourself feeling increasingly lonely and suffering minimal interruptions during each day. Yeah, we know – retail can be a real bitch sometimes. 

Gemini 

It’s like you’re suffocating, being crowded out. Everyone it seems has a new variation on what used to be a winning formula for you and a few others. Kartell, Cranky Frankies, Hanoi, Ivy and Lola’s, Emett, Gault, and let’s not get started on the number of Indian places … where will it end? Instead of complaining though, why not ramp up some local’s discounts or break the bylaw like everybody else does and give away free samples street-side. 

Cancer 

It’s like you’re suffocating, being crowded out. Everyone it seems has a new variation on what used to be a winning formula for you and a few others. Zephyr, Bunker’s extension, Cru Wine Bar, Ballarat, Extreme, Malbas … and let’s not get started on the number of backpacker haunts … where will it end? Instead of complaining though, why not ramp up some local’s discounts or break the bylaw like everybody else and use touts. 

Leo 

Best you take a sick day. The snow’s no good so your boss won’t suspect a thing. 

Virgo 

Things will seem much brighter and more vivid than usual. You may have insights and visions that seem to transcend life itself, and feel an almost overwhelming sense of warmth and love for your fellow human beings. But beware – the comedown afterwards can be bloody horrendous. 

Libra 

It’s time to take the initiative – particularly at roundabouts. If there’s a car at each entry point and no one’s moving, it’s because the other three drivers are tourists and have no clue about the right-hand giveway rule or how roundabouts work. Just go or you could be there all day. 

Scorpio 

This week will test your patience. You will find yourself having to do a lot of waiting, and will at times feel like you’re not moving forward in life as you expect you should – particularly if you live in Kelvin Heights and have to commute across the one-lane Kawarau Falls Bridge. Or are hoping a bunch of NIMBYs (Not In My Backyard) withdraw their objections against your consent application. 

Sagittarius 

This is not a time for making hasty, rash decisions. Take a deep breath and think things through before just ploughing on recklessly just to please the baying crowd. Form a committee, commission reports, weigh up options, and then ponder some more. Having said that, a convention centre in Queenstown really is a no-brainer.