Hi, I’m John Key … so this big German guy walks into a bar and …


If Prime Minister John Key loses the election, he could consider stand-up comedy if his Queenstown speeches are an indicator. 

Key, speaking last Thursday at the opening of the Queenstown section of his national cycleway project and wealthy Arrowtown jeweller Sir Michael Hill’s sculpture park, had the crowds in stitches as he let fly with a barrage of quips. 

A relaxed Key – who seemed more than happy to be away from Wellington where he’s been under increasing pressure as a result of the Kin Dotcom saga – made wisecracks about the deepening scandal, the Labour Party and even his deputy and local MP Bill English at Hill’s golf course. 

Queenstown mayor Vanessa van Uden says she thought Key’s speech was a good laugh and had the right pitch for the moment. 

“I’m impressed with what he can do off the cuff because it was really very good,” Van Uden says. 

“Whether politically incorrect or not, it was actually very funny.”

Prime Minister uncut in Queenstown

On Kim Dotcom: “That bloke might have Megaupload.com but I’ve got Megaballsup.com. Anyway, it’s great to be here at The Hills. Frankly, after the week I’ve had it’s great to be anywhere other than Wellington.”

On the Labour Party: “We’re here to do the opening of the sculpture, The Wolves are Coming. It sounds like the Labour Party.”

On Sir Michael Hill giving him a red ribbon to cut: “I didn’t give [you] a knighthood to be voting Labour, Michael.”

On Deputy Prime Minister Bill English: “He is the shareholding Minister of Air New Zealand which is the airline that failed to get me here.” [Key’s plane was diverted to Dunedin.]