A Queenstown woman opens up on local partner-swapping, known as swinging. Ryan Keen reports
She’s in her 30s, has two kids and works an administration job.
So far so normal – but what’s not quite so typical about this happily-married local is she’s a member of the local swinging fraternity.
Anonymously – we’ll call her ‘admin lady’ – she’s happy to lift the lid on the local partner-swapping party scene to drum up publicity for an upcoming event downtown.
Happily married – and happily swinging in the Wakatipu
‘Admin lady’ says her and her Queenstown partner consider swinging a health option for a modern marriage.
“It has promoted honesty, trust and more enjoyment to our busy lives than if we were not swinging.
“We have no concerns about either partner cheating as there is no reason to. Communication is improved and so is the sexual side, as it never gets too boring cause when it does we go and fool around with others.”
‘Admin lady’ says it’s easier to swing nowadays as the sexual taboo normally associated with it has become more accepted.
“Most enjoy this type of freedom, like a little booster to their relationship.
“Personally we enjoy meeting people, and making friends doing this – and the freedom of sex with them is an added bonus.”
The woman and her partner are among an expected 40 couples attending a swingers’ party at Shotover Street adult venue Club 88 at the end of the month.
It’s limited to the first 40 to pay. A website listing the shindig – with a sexy cocktail theme – lists five couples going, including pairs from Queenstown, Invercargill, Christchurch and Waimakariri.
Single females are welcome but not single males – and one attending couple has posted a comment asking solo men not be allowed.
‘Admin lady’, swinging for six years, says most of the swingers she knows are married with kids, professionals, and in their 30s and 40s.
Most of the men are straight and most of the women are bi-sexual – it’s unusual to come across a straight female and a bisexual guy, she says.
“You’d be surprised who does it. But ages from as low as 22 to 60s are actively involved. The internet has made for easier means to communicate and meet like-minded persons.”
And the attraction?
“The reason is for excitement. Marriage can get boring, especially sexually with the same partner but if marriage is strong [and] lacks jealousy then it actually does spice it up.”
And it’s not all sticking your car keys in a bowl and randomly pairing off – there’s different, er, strokes for different folks.
‘Admin lady’ explains: “Some like to try same-room sex, no partner swapping. That is effectively live porn, as you fool around with your own partner but watch the other couple.
“There are the ones that like to flirt and dress sexy and enjoy parties and the ability to wear little or nothing and be exhibitionists, but not necessarily have sex with anyone.
“There are those that are into the extreme ... orgies, gang bangs, threesomes.
“Most swingers, like us, practice full swap ... you swap partners. It can be in the same room as each other or different rooms, but most of the time it is all of us on one large bed.”
Safety is a priority, ‘admin lady’ says.
“Safe sex is expected as we’re mostly family orientated so protecting ourselves protects our families but the idea of multiple partners does make you all ensure safety is paramount.
“Most couples like ourselves do get regular health checks and of course sexually-transmitted disease (STD) checks is one of them.”
An online ad for the upcoming Queenstown swingers party says it’s an opportunity to check out the lifestyle with no pressure to participate.
“Just chat is fine. Participate as little or as much as you are comfortable doing,” one website says.
Tickets are $60 for couples or $30 for solo females.
What a great reputation for Queenstown ....haha....
I do NOT like to swap - it's ok if someoneelse does as long as they like it ;) and when it really helps to keep marriages going- am not good in sharing ;) ....and can't believe that they talk about honesty regards swinging! For me it's an official way of cheating! Better have a good explanation to your teenagers about it, if you care about values .....just a thought.
27 Sep 2012 10:17AMLotte
Dear Keyser Soze, Yes I did try to contact the owners of the venue prior. And to clarify, no I wouldn't say I thought it was particularly newsworthy but it was quite interesting. Have a good night. Ryan, Mountain Scene
20 Sep 2012 08:59PMRyan
That's the most comprehensive article I've ever read about swinging. In fact it's the only article I've read about swinging! Well done Ryan..
20 Sep 2012 08:11PMKickevents
Mountain Scream; worse than an old ladies knitting circle!
'...it’s not all sticking your car keys in a bowl and randomly pairing off...'
And then what's the picture to go along with the article? Quality work.
While I will admit that your article bypassed the usual moral outrage of other stories about polyamory in the media, as an attendee of the evening in question I feel compelled to ask why you thought this was newsworthy Mr Keen?
Before going to print had you even tried to contact the organisers of the event or the owner of the venue to discuss your conversation with 'admin lady'? It seems to me that this isn't the sort of event that requires someone to 'drum up publicity', did you consider the fact that 'admin lady' might be someone with a gripe trying to spook partygoers off?
The only difference between this club night and any other in Queenstown is not having to lie to your partner about what you got up to! And the standard of conversation is a lot better too. ;)
Between this and The Mirror's front page histrionics about the footpath outside Fergs I wonder how hard it must be to think of space filler stories to pad out the ads in QT papers?
20 Sep 2012 07:47PMKeyser Soze
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