Forget the tea tape. Mountain Scene has been given a copy of what’s set to become known as the cup of coffee tape.
The explosive recording was inadvertently made during Prime Minister John Key’s Queenstown visit last week. It captures a conversation Key had over flat whites with Deputy Prime Minister and Queenstown MP Bill English at Post Office Cafe.
Mountain Scene’s understanding is the recording was probably illegal – but doesn’t care and publishes a full transcript here.
English: “Right – what are you having, cup of tea?”
Key: “Hell no. Flat white. Get one for yourself, too. Tea is banned. Now, that was a pleasant press conference, Bill. I think the announcement about me staying on as Tourism Minister went down well. And thanks for arranging the Ziptrek Ecotours trip. I’d love to go back without the media in tow. Actually, it’d be nice to go anywhere without the media in tow.”
English: “The media’s your mistress, John. Ignore her at your peril.”
Key: “Whatever that means. No wonder you got punted as National’s leader all those years ago, Bill. No one actually understands what the hell you’re talking about a lot of the time.”
English: “Thank you, sir.”
Key: “It’s all in the delivery mate – let’s have a little more ‘Show me the money!’ and a little less ‘economic step-change’. Okay?”
English: “Yes sir, thank you, sir.”
Key: “Anyway, what are we up to after the flying fox? I love this Tourism Minister lark – it’s the best gig in the House.”
English: “We’re off to Winton sir, for a farm shed meeting.”
Key: “Aw bloody hell, Bill – Winton! Do we have to? It’s so much nicer in Queenstown – plus there are actually people here. Why don’t we just hang out for the afternoon – I’m Tourism Minister after all, and this is the New Zealand tourism epicentre. I’d like to observe some of the benefits flowing from The Hobbit, which is only here because of my courageous meddling with the labour laws. Hey – isn’t that Orando Bloom? I loved him in Elizabethtown. Oh dear – he’s drinking tea, the nutter. Somebody should warn him.”
English: “I’ll inform security, sir. More pressingly, what should we do about Winston? New Zealand First is polling near the five per cent threshold.”
Key: “Nothing. Most of his supporters are dying out – in fact, most will be dead by the time Saturday’s election day rolls around. Relax.”
English: “What about Brash? Can we really work with someone so extreme?”
Key: “Now there’s a strange fellow. Reminds me of you actually, only stranger ... much, much stranger. But sorry – you were saying?”
English: “Brash – can we work with him?”
Key: “No we can’t. But don’t worry about that. Banksie will take over as ACT leader soon after the election. We’re shipping Brash off to be an honorary consul somewhere. Banksie’s one of us at heart. Then we’ll have ...
English: “Don’t say it, sir. There’s lots of media crawling around.”
Key: “Relax Billy boy. Then we’ll have ... unbridled power.”
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