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It’s been another year of highs, lows and craziness in the Wakatipu – so to celebrate, here’s the annual Mountain Scene spoof awards for 2011.
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Kirsti Windsor
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The Judith Ablett-Kerr, QC, Defence Barrister Award for best murder trial argument:
Kirsti Windsor – the former horse trainer at Queenstown’s Moonlight Stables – successfully stares down a charge of murdering former lover David Langdon not long after they left the Wakatipu for England. Langdon’s charred body is found in a garden bonfire at the couple’s remote rental home in Wormelow, Herefordshire.
Windsor tells police Langdon “committed suicide by jumping on the bonfire” – she’s found not guilty.
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Jonathan Dixon
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The Paul Henry Delusions Of Grandeur Award for most unlikely comparison:
Jonathan Dixon – the Queenstown bouncer who uploaded CCTV footage showing bar shenanigans involving married English rugby star Mike Tindall – for this incomparable line: “More people like Gaddafi than me, that’s what I heard.” Oh, c’mon Jonathan, it’s not that bad.
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Wayne Perkins
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The Madonna Award For Reinventing Yourself Successfully over and over again:
Wayne Perkins – following successful forays skippering a hydrofoil, fitting tyres, flogging real estate and running a motel, the longtime Queenstowner returns to tourist cruises on Lake Wakatipu with the launch of his new boat Million Dollar Two to accompany – you guessed it – Million Dollar One.
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Kenneth Walker
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The Mother Teresa Award For Finest Humanitarian Act:
Kenneth Walker – the Salvation Army Queenstown captain for assembling his troops and heading into the fray to help just a day after Christchurch’s devastating February earthquake.
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Peti Seiuli
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The Jesus Christ Award For Going Barefoot:
Peti Seiuli – holding up a flight to Wellington because he’s barefoot, the Queenstown reggae musician has to be taken off and on by wheelchair and given time to buy a pair of shoes ... but he can’t find any that fit. To top it off, when the plane finally gets to Wellington, Seiuli realises his shoes are in his carry-on luggage and not in his checked baggage as he thought.
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Mike Tindall
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The Destination Queenstown Award For Best Free Plug:
Mike Tindall – English rugby stand-in captain marries royal Zara Phillips then weeks later comes to Queenstown for the Rugby World Cup, boozes up in a local bar, gets cosy with an ex, parties hard with dwarfs in a horizontal bungy comp and – surprise, surprise – some of the visiting English media happen to find out about it and put Tindall’s Queenstown escapade on their front pages. From there, the biggest RWC off-field scandal takes on a life of its own ...
The Guy Ritchie Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels Award for dumbest criminal act:
Drunk Arrowtowner – the severely inebriated guy who nicks a car from a Queenstown petrol station and drives it home. In his hungover state next morning, he phones police to complain about the strange car parked in his driveway. He’s charged with theft and driving while incapable.
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Michael Hill
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The Stephen Donald Award For Best Comeback After Being Dropped:
Sir Michael Hill – revives the New Zealand Open at his private course The Hills near Arrowtown then loses the golf tournament to Christchurch. Not one for navel-gazing, Hill then inks a deal to host the new NZ Professional Golf Association Pro-Am event for five years, with the stated aim of it being a stop on the lucrative OneAsia Tour by 2013.
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