Mascot
Junior, a part-South African, tequila-swirling, dart-snorting, paper-knicker wearing Meerkat
Watering hole:
Harry’s or any Goodbar, belting out Elton John’s Rocket Man for the 20th time
Team Meal:
Anything of a genetic disposition that produces a high percentage of oleaginous unsaturated fat and omega-3, and improves the ratio of mono-unsaturated fats to saturated fats – washed down with
a schooner of Drambuie
Team Drink:
Tussock Jumper – schooner of Speights Old Dark, four eggs, a shot of Tawny Port and a sprig of mint
Match-fixing plans:
Being an all-male side we’re not into ball-tampering but would probably jack up the toss, doctor the other team’s urine samples and slip the Events Centre staff a lazy half-mill
Player who'll make a difference:
Mr Pirie. Belting down from 30 paces with his well-paid-for Massey Ferguson motor, creating unplayable extra swing
Team weaknesses:
"The C" – who runs around the ground with his shirt off, flexing the rig and reaching for his second bottle of Johnson’s Baby Oil
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Team Members:
- Stacy Coburn (Capt, franchise owner)
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Ants "Webbo/Grizzly" Webb (Vice Capt/Fielding Capt)
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Clark "Raving Albino Wafer" Pirie (Legal Rep)
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Glenn "Gadge" Simon
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Jase "Punter" Johns
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Cameron "Meady" Meade
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Alan "Bails/McSteamy" Baillie
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Kelvin "Bone" Middleton
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Paul "PJ" Downing
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Tama Reedy
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Christopher "The C" Campbell (rebranded)
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Jason Noir
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Kieran "Finchy" Turnbull
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Blair O’Donnell
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Jimmy Challoner
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Peter Watts
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Will Steed
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Jack "Gore" Turnbull (management)
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Kevin "Bondy" Bond
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Glenn Baillie-Price (communications manager)
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